Anata Wa
by Kiaran Dryaalis
Summary: It is after the Final Battle and Subaru is visiting the tree to honour Seishirou. Small, somewhat angsty fic. My last for this fandom. [SeixSu]


_**Author's Note:** My sisters found one of my notebooks and gave it back to me a couple days ago. In it, was an unfinished SeiSub story that I had written last year. I decided to finish it and post it here for everyone to read. But anyways, in this, I'm guessing that Seishirou died before he turned thirty-five. You'll see what I'm talking about when you get there.  
**Warnings:** This is rather dark. Somewhat angsty. Very slight yaoi. Post-X.  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own them. Simple as that._

Anata wa…

It was raining. Thick, heavy sheets fell like heaven's tears down into the streets of Tokyo. Though the quakes that shook the city constantly had ceased almost a year ago, the population of Tokyo had remained down; as if people feared they may start up again. Streets were quiet and dim. Rarely did people venture outside. Alleys were filled with home people who had lost everything last year and could not recover from their losses.

It was one of the most depressing things one might ever see. Once bustling city roads were almost empty. Ruined buildings housed homeless children and parents. Buildings under reconstruction stood in skeletal glamour, casting forlorn shadows upon the streets. The Yamanote Line no longer ran, having been utterly destroyed in one earthquake.

Life in Tokyo was miserable.

Life for some was worse.

Life for Sumeragi Subaru was far worse than any other. None could understand his pain and sadness in the slightest. None could even imagine the suffering the young man had been through. No one would suspect that once, Sumeragi Subaru had been able to smile.

If presented with a photo of the young man and another of his sixteen-year-old self, one would never guess that they were one and the same. Pain, death, sadness, and loss had changed Subaru beyond any recognition. This one was a man with nothing to live for, but had no choice but to continue living.

Once brilliant emerald eyes were now dull, mismatched green and honey-brown; the result of losing an eyes that had been replaced by one from the only person Subaru loved. Silken raven hair was now dull, matted dusty black; the result of poor care. Subaru was think, almost skeletal, as he cared little for his health. Bags under his eyes denoted a great lack of sleep.

Colourful clothes once made by a long lost twin had been replaced long ago by black and white, and more recently, only black. His appearance showed Subaru's eternal mourning for the loss of those he had had loved: his twin sister Hokuto, taken from him ten years ago by the Sakurazukamori; the only man he had ever loved, Sakurazuka Seishirou, killed by Subaru's own hand at the Rainbow Bridge. More recently, Shirou Kamui, the only other person that Subaru might have loved, killed in the Final Battle on the thirty-first day of December in the year nineteen-hundred and ninety-nine. And finally, his own grandmother, the twelfth head of the Sumeragi Clan, killed by a weak heart and old age, never given the chance to say good-bye to her only grandson.

Those four loved ones, a sister, a lover, a close friend, and a grandmother, were the only ones Subaru lived for. Yet, even though they were gone, the young man could not die. He had to live for the memory of Sakurazukam Seishirou, above all. He knew that the man's dying wish was for Subaru to live. A cruel and selfish wish, most would say, but Subaru would grant it, only because his love for Seishirou still did not waiver.

It was only mid-afternoon, but the rain and clouds masked the sky, making it seem like evening. It was cold; autumn always was. Yet Subaru either did not noticed or did not care. He walked apathetically down the street, drenched from head-to-toe, head hung in perpetual sadness. Subaru rarely ventured outside. Today, though, he headed to the remaining section of Ueno Park.

No trees blossomed in this cold season. No branch bore leaves, flowers, or fruit. No mass of green provided shelter from the storm. Save for one. This tree was special and held great significance to Subaru's life. It was under this tree, a great sakura that bloomed forevermore, that Subaru met the one man who would influence Subaru's life, even seventeen years after the fateful encounter. Blood stained the petals, drawn from corpses buried beneath the tree's roots. Souls trapped within the tree called out for help, for a release from the cage they were locked within.

The branches of this tree were thickly covered in pink blossoms and reached out for several feet. Hardly any rain penetrated the thick ceiling of blossoms. Subaru ducked underneath these branches to sit at the trunk of the tree. He did not sigh or speak a word. He merely sat amongst the petals that had fallen to carpet the ground, leaning against the trunk of the sakura.

He knew that Seishirou's soul was not locked within the tree. He knew that the older man was nowhere on this world's plane of existence. But this tree was Subaru's only true link to Seishirou; he could feel remnants of Seishirou's presence there. They would one day fade away, like the pentacles that had marked Subaru as the older man's for nearly seventeen years. No long did the magick mark his skin, however; the pentacles had disappeared some time after Seishirou's death.

A year ago, Subaru came to this tree for the first time since taking over as the Sakurazukamori. The tree had comforted him in a way of its own, letting a few pale petals fall from its branches onto Subaru's small, thin shoulders. The young man had not shifted; he continued to stare out into the park, recalling the memories that had all begun underneath this canopy of sakura blossoms. Everything that his life had led to had started here, beneath this tree.

If he had never come here, he'd have never met Seishirou. He would never have fallen in love with the man who had destroyed him. His sister, his beloved older twin, would never have been killed for his sake. Subaru himself would never have become the Sakurazukamori. He would never have endured all this pain.

The tree's branches had quivered above Subaru, as if to tell the young man that he could not help what destiny had dealt him. There was no changing things. Seishirou was dead. Hokuto was dead. Kamui and Lady Sumeragi were dead. And none of them would come back.

"I know," had been Subaru's reply at the time.

Today marked one of the only days Subaru cared about. The rest of his life meant nothing to him, but certain dates always brought some meaning. Today, without a doubt, was a day that Subaru would not forget. Today was November twenty-second. Today, Seishirou would have been thirty-six years old.

Subaru had come here for one reason, one alone; to honor his lost love's birthday, regardless of the fact that the man was dead. He did this with everyone he had loved. He honoured his grandmother's birthday by discreetly visiting her grave in Kyoto, not wanting to be discovered by his second-cousin, Lady Kitoko, the fourteenth clan head. On February seventeen, he came to the tree to honour his sister. And on May twenty-seventh, he visited the Tokyo Tower in memory of Shirou Kamui.

To anyone not knowing the circumstances, Subaru would merely seem a solemn visitor to these places. Those who did know were only Subaru and the tree. It was an odd way to honour the birthdays of his loved ones, yes. To Subaru, it was the best way to do it. Celebrating just didn't seem right.

In memory of the man he loved, Subaru sat beneath the tree for hours, playing back the memories that occupied his mind. All of them were of Seishirou, of the time they spent together that year, and of the horrible things Seishirou had done to twist and mold Subaru into the man he was now.

Never once did Subaru move from his place beneath the tree. Not when night fell, not when he closed his eyes, no longer able to keep them open, nor when the tree silently screamed for him to wake up.

§§§§§

"Subaru-kun."

The soft, rich voice jarred Subaru from his sleep. His eyes opened to face a familiar set of honey-brown eyes—yes, two honey-brown, no frosty glass eyes. Subaru sat there a moment, not quite understanding what he was seeing. Then, something clicked in his mind.

"Sei…shirou-san?"

A smile spread over the other man's lips. Subaru hesitantly reached out and placed his hand on Seishirou's cheek. The man felt…strange. He gave off neither the warmth of a living being or the chill of a spirit.

"You're…" Subaru began.

"Dead, Subaru-kun," Seishirou told him, softly. He reached up and placed his hand on Subaru's, keeping it pressed to his cheek. "I've been waiting for you."

Subaru knew then. The long sleepless nights and the numerous days without food, along with his cold night alone beneath the tree, had taken their toll on him. He had died in the cold, alone in Ueno Park, underneath the same tree where everything began. Now, everything had ended.

"Seishirou-san," Subaru whispered. "Anata wa…"

Owari

_**Author's Note: **This fanfiction signifies my final farewell to the X fandom. After five years, my interest in X has dwindled down to a simple vague curiousity as to how everything will end in the manga. However, Subaru and Seishirou will always remain close to my heart. From the time I was fifteen to now, as I am about to hit twenty, those two one-eyed lovers have remained my favourites._

_And actually, I totally just lied to y'all about this being my final farewell. I do have a cracky little X/Final Fantasy VII fic coming your way under a different pen name, so consider this my final serious fic for the fandom. It's been fun, but it's time for this gal to say 'Adieu and sayonara, loves.'_

_Kiaran "Koichi" Dryaalis_


End file.
